Second Windsong

I love fall. It is one of the things that is still such a surprise to my senses. My home state with even temperatures all year round never changed colors. But now, I am surrounded by trees anxious to display hues of red, yellow, and spectacular orange. No matter how tall or how strong the tree appears to be, one strong wind and the beauty streams across the sky only to become a pile of wonder for children who roll and play for hours.  All glorious, but all fleeting. What remains when the leaves are gone?  Shiny trunks, branches with tendriled fingers stretch skyward waiting for the long work of winter. Soaking up the remaining sunshine before the blankets of white arrive. What becomes of the leaves? Eroding, melting into the earth, insulating and feeding roots before ice encases and freezes the ground. Winter's sleep waters and refreshes even though storms rage and threaten to freeze straight through. It is hard work for the tree to lose leaves, then sit and...

It seems that we are often hard-wired to live life through a giant magnifier called "What If?" As parents, we begin asking the question as soon as our child is born. What if I sleep too soundly and don't hear my baby cry in the night?  What if the bath water is too hot or cold? We get a bit older and the questions change. What if he/she doesn't like me?  What if I don't get the job? What if I can't make it up to the top of the mountain?  What if I  (You fill in the question) ?  What ifs on a grand scale can change from questioning and concern to worry and life becomes affected, maybe even derailed.  Our minds become so busy thinking about the endless possibilities and potential outcomes that we live in the shadows. Conversations take place around us and we lose the ability to really engage. After all, what if I say the wrong thing? Or, what if I misinterpret what is being said? What ifs transform into worry. What ifs transform into fear. Wor...

Grief is probably one of the most avoided words in the dictionary. And people, going through grief are often the most avoided people. The pain and sadness that is characteristic of grief, leaks out leaving imaginary puddles around causing people to tiptoe and take wide angles to avoid getting feet wet, to avoid getting stuck in the mud. I know it can be hard to be around the grieving. Five stages that can shift at any moment from sadness to anger to bargaining, all distancing, all painful. But good grief, healthy grief takes work. The grieving has to be intentional about not only facing but going through the pain and the process. It is lonely, lonely work. No one asks for sad. Although the work of grief feels isolated and singular, it does not mean that we should be alone.  It takes a lot of energy to persevere and push through, made much easier by the company of a friend or loved one. It is the ministry and gift of presence that is most important to a grieving friend. Not plac...

As it is transitioning from early evening to dark of night millions of families are going through bedtime routines with little ones.  Lullabies play quietly and parents walk tiptoed and silent from rooms filled with fading soft night lights.  Grown-ups have routines too. Maybe it is a warm bath with sweetly scented water. Or, a steaming cup of herbal tea to soothe weary bones. A spritz of lavender on pillow covers or a white noise app with nature sounds, all meant to provide rest. For me, when my mind is racing or my heart is full, nothing helps. I spend nights tossing and turning until I cannot bear to stay in place any longer. Then, I am simply awake. Or, I drift into slumber for an hour or two only to wake and remain awake for what seems like forever. Somehow, I have convinced myself that my sleepless self can solve the problems of the world (of my world) through spinning thoughts, replaying scenarios hoping that like solving a circular mathematical equation, I w...

Closed doors are so symbolic. A form of protection from weather, critters of all kinds, and intruders.  Doors not only keep things out but keep things from coming in. We use our doors to escape the outside, to shut out the world. What if you are the thing on the other side of that door that is hoping beyond hopes that you can go in settle down by the fire, visit a loved one, and just feel at home.  People have doors too. Closed minds slammed shut to keep out new thoughts, ideas, learning, reasoning or wisdom, Hearts locked securely, key thrown into a deep abyss so nothing can penetrate. It can be easy, really to build a barricade. To lock out everyone and everything that is important. Even God.  That is why I think it so exceptionally beautiful that God uses a door as a symbol of his provision and of his answer to our cries for help. He is the one who has more reason than any created being to slam shut every door, but he doesn't.  Doors swing wide. Doors ...

I have always been a bloom where you are planted kind of person. I  love the comfort of stability, of having the opportunity to grow deep roots and just settle in (dirt and all). When we moved 3,000 miles across the country three years ago, my perspective changed. Suddenly everything was unfamiliar and what once were well-developed roots flopped about on new ground like tiny little tendrils. Not only did I have to adapt, I had to become, to transform, to use my little roots to scratch the surface to find their way. What I discovered, is that there is something about uprooting that makes room for wings. Being unpotted leaves eyes turned upward instead of inward. It gives strength to push through and to march on. To hold the hand of God through uncertainty instead of depending on the deep seating of the legs beneath earth to hold bodies upright when the wind blows. And, the blooms. So temporal and fading and uncreative without the Creator. Being plucked from the pot leaves room f...

One of the biggest challenges for an introvert, is the gut level reaction to withdraw, tuck deep inside when life hurts. Maybe it is not an introverted thing.  Maybe it is just a Me thing. But, I suspect there are more people in the world who feel just the same. Its almost as if I have to put a little buffer between myself and the external so I can just take a little minute and breathe, regenerate, and recoup some energy. It can be hard on the people who are close to me sometime. All this hard work to pull away so that there is enough of me left to be present. Have you ever heard the saying, work smarter, not harder?  Looking for an internal energy source is just plain ol' hard work.  But, Jesus gives stuck inside myself people like me an opportunity to work smart and to tap directly into the only true source of energy, strength, and help. Jesus bids us to learn from him and promises us rest for our weary souls (Matthew 11:29).  Instead of pulling away, when troubl...

I have a friend who is very wise, kind and thoughtful.  She has lived a life full of experiences and trials and she lives her faith right out loud. She said to me, "Sometimes it is alright to just let go."  She had no idea that her words would linger and be the very expression I have to live into this week. Letting go is hard. We feel it the first time our children cross the playground on the first day of school. Hearts cringe when we leave our children behind in a dorm room, ready to take first steps to adulthood.  I think of the day we brought our daughter to the Navy recruitment office only to find out she was whisked away through back doors to her new post. No goodbyes allowed. We let go the day a child gets married. You celebrate love and the formation of a new family and at the same time mourn the transition from mom-needed to mom-friend. These times of letting go are hard, but they are also in the natural process of things. Hard, but ultimately good and healing. ...

One of the best examples of perseverance in practice is marriage. Like all relationships, there is a foundation that must be built and a few key principles that can help to make a marriage flourish.   Being fully committed to the relationship builds trust and security. Through good times or bad, happy or sad, commitment is the seal on the deal. One that holds tighter as the years go by.  I heard a saying recently, "don't get caught up in the thick of thin things."  It is easy to get bogged down unnecessarily by the things that really do not matter, like our (my) own agenda.  Relationships deepen and intimacy is built when we choose to lay down our rights and put the needs of our spouse first. When we keep the needs of others (our spouse, children, family) as priority and seek to do what is best for them, we are in the thick of the thick and important work of being Jesus to those whom we love.  I often have to remind myself that happiness is n...

Although there seems to be no information and a lot of controversy around the origin of the song, Climb, Climb Up Sunshine Mountain continues to be a Sunday School favorite. It happens to be a song that I long to sing to my grandson, often. The simple lyrics provide a poignant explanation about the path heavenward.  In our Christian walk we have to be willing to push through opposition and resistance. We have to be willing to climb, allow our faces to glisten with the sweat of good work and the tenacity it takes to reach our end goal.  And, we need to take along another person, or a whole parade of people with us. When we reach the top, together we will reap the prize.

Every year as we approach November and begin to think about the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, memories of my mother flood my mind. She has been gone for eighteen years now, but I still miss her and carry with me a feeling of loss, especially during the holidays. Feelings of sadness do not cloud the happy memories. And, I cannot forget all of the wonderful lessons she taught me, sometimes with intent and sometimes simply by the way she lived and by the way she chose to spend her last days. Although my mom struggled with a variety of illnesses, she really had no way of knowing that a diagnosis of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma would start the clock ticking away a short six weeks before her home going. Yet, she managed to fill her last days with such meaning and fullness. The day they discovered the cancer and the reason for my mom's unexplained pain.  The reason for going from walking tall one day to wheelchair the next, she went into the hospital for treatment and comfort car...

If you have ever participated in a long distance race or have taken a road trip with a car full of hungry, "are we there yet?"  children, you understand how comforting it can be to see a mile marker along the road.  Markers, such as mile markers, can tell us how far we have traveled and how far we have to go to cross the finish line or to reach our final destination. Markers can also be used to help us to navigate. I am a landmark driver.  It is easier for me to identify the corner with a distinctive building or marker to find my way than to think of compass points. Now that we live in a state covered with trees and there are no identifiable landmarks, I use a GPS constantly to help me to find my way. I love the beauty of the trees everywhere, but without the markers that I once so depended upon, I find myself making U-turns, often. Markers can also bring comfort in times of transition. A fixed object, set in a particular place and attached to a particular emot...

I often wish I could be a songwriter. Two creative arts most dear to my heart, words and music are fused.  But maybe there is a songwriter in all of us. It doesn't have to be a top seller or seal a record deal, the words and music should sound like our soul externalized.  When I think of the beauty of music from the very innermost of one's being, I remember the story of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Mary is visited by the angel Gabriel, who after frightening the life out of Mary, calms her heart and shares God's plan for Mary's life and the birth of Jesus. Mary then goes to visit her relative, Elizabeth who also has a miracle story about her pregnancy.  When Mary and Elizabeth get together, they did not throw a baby shower, or visit the neighbors, or go shopping at the local market, or anything that one might do when visiting a pregnant relative. The Bible says that Elizabeth extolled Mary and then Mary's heart bubbled over in song. Mary sang a new song that was wr...

There are times in our lives when we go through trouble that we simply cannot explain.  Trouble on its own is trouble enough, but when we find ourselves asking why, it becomes even more of a challenge to persevere.  The reason for the trial may never become apparent and you may be carrying scars that seem unfounded.  Although the reason for your pain may not be clear, your story may become like crystal in the eyes of someone walking in the same shoes and asking the same unanswered questions.  Maybe, it is reason enough to be able to say to a hurting brother or sister, "I survived and so will you!" Or  to say, here are the markers of God's goodness in my life, you will see the same markers in your own. But there is more if you follow Jesus example.  When we are in pain, he comforts us first and it is through his example and through our experiencing Christ's loving relief, that we in turn are able to bring that same comfort to others (2 Corinthians...

I am not sure why the Lord chose tonight, this night to share this story and to reveal past behind hidden curtain. This night when time is short and emotions are raw, right in the middle of a downright commotion.  But here it is, just as the Lord asked me to write, just as it was and maybe in some ways still is. I don't know if I can really come up with a concrete explanation for it, but from Kindergarten through twelfth grade, I  went to thirteen different schools. Not just thirteen different classes, along with classmates and friends known for years, but literally thirteen different schools.  No, I am not from a military family.  We did move our fair share. My parents both worked two jobs and when I was young, after school child care was unheard of. But mostly, I think it was because I always carried with me this inner sense that I was broken somehow. Always being the new kid was extremely hard for me. Although I managed to keep my grades up, socially I was a w...

Life seems to be a series of sprints, with major hills and valleys. We are either racing to beat the clock (a daily race we are bound to lose) or perhaps the clock is stopped and rerouted by something unexpected. When it is impossible to fit everything into one day or during those derailing moments, what do you leave behind like bread crumbs leading to Hansel and Gretel's fairy tale fate? If the dishwasher suddenly explodes, filling the kitchen floor with a fast flowing sudsy river, what would you remove from your day to make the time to deal with the mess? If the school nurse calls and your feverish child needs to go home, what leaks out to take care of the immediate? A call from the hospital announces the arrival of the newest little family member and everything drops. What pulls your attention away when moments get stressful?  Or, what do you add to your day that realigns your priorities? I can be an "adder" and a "subtactor." If life is overflowing...

Today marks the halfway point of this 31 day writing commitment. There is something significant about crossing the middle that brings the finish line in view.  There is new excitement for the second half of the journey and a sense that success is just around the corner. Of course, that may not be true for the long hard journeys. I remember my daughter's first call from Navy boot camp. It was near the half point and she was so tired. She was discouraged and really was not sure that she could make it for the second half, but before she knew it, graduation day arrived. Halftime during a football game is more than entertainment, it is a time for the players to rest and refresh before pushing through the next half of the game. My husband's favorite NFL team is known for being a second half team, bolstered by the mid-term rest they push hard for victory. No matter if it is a hard road or easy one, the purpose for reflecting on the half way point, is to keep the end goal in mind...

Sitting in the pediatric hospital, across from me on the bench, a man and wife waiting for news about their little one.  I look deep into his eyes and see metal doors behind the glassy blue slam shut. Just in time to stop tears and pain from flowing out.  She looked to him, to the side of his face, avoiding eyes asking for strength. I saw it in the eyes of my own son. Whisked away to follow stretchers sprinting toward NICU with the son he had not even had the chance to welcome to the world. Everyone expected him to be the strong one. Shots of frightening words were fired at him and cut as if jettisoned from a rifle, but he could not flinch. He had to be strong for his wife, for his son, for them all. There are times in our lives when we have to act as human shields against life's darts. But, we can depend upon God to be right there with us and to uphold us when our strength fails. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 ...

Every day on this 31 day journey, I ask God what story am I supposed to tell today?  Who is going to listen? What else can I learn about keeping a steady pace even when the road is rough? Sometimes it is the story of others that touch deeply. I’m thinking a lot tonight. About everything. A chance encounter in the hospital children’s ward ripped my heart wide open. What do you say to a mamma who has been three days waiting for a place for her little girl. A young life barely beginning and third time almost successful at cutting it short. Suicide is such a grown up word. Not child's play. Who of us could ever imagine holding the hands of a child who is intent on letting go of everything. Everyone. Letting go of life. And, the judgment from those who do not understand. Parent's become battering rams, she said. I want what is best for my little girl. I would move world's for her, but in the eyes of others with children who have little more than scraped knee struggles, there...

I don't think that anyone would willingly choose a porcupine for a pet.  They may be cute as a button, but in between shiny locks of hair, they are decked out with protective quills that burrow into skin and at best leave behind scars and painful memories. We have a porcupine in our family, but he is not an adorable little rodent, he happens to be one of our chosen children. Some days, all we see is the shiny outer fur. He has an engaging personality that is like a magnet filled with energy. Smart and thoughtful conversations, witty riddles, and curious exploration spill out. Then without a moment's notice, something deep and dark bubbles to the surface and fur is replaced with quills. The quills are swift and indiscriminate. They drive to the deepest parts of us and with grapple-like precision, they snare and scar. We try to stand firm, not to withdraw or back away. Do we hug or do we hide, tenderness or tearing, friendship or fear, loving deeply or despite of--the pain. D...

The book of Exodus tells about the endless miracles that persuaded Pharaoh to free the Israelite slaves. Led by Moses, the Israelites began a long trek through the desert.  In chapter 14 of Exodus, the climatic drama peaks. While the Israelites are intent on a swift exit from the Egyptian King and his land, God directs Moses to lead the people back to the water's edge. The people obey and in a little while, they see the Egyptian army in hot pursuit, with chariots blazing (literally).The people become fearful. They question Moses and at the same time, question God.  Moses saw the same army, the same chariots, he heard the same battle cries, but he was firm in his faith and unwavering. He encouraged the people not to be afraid. Then he spoke the words that changed everything in that one little moment, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14). Have you ever been in a situation when it looked like the big, bad and scary were running right at...

One of the most precious keepsakes I own is my mother's Bible. When I miss her, having the Bible she dearly loved floods my mind and my heart with memories. There is something so intimate about looking through those well-worn pages.  The lilt of her handwriting in a column, communicates my mother's mood, thoughts or gives a hint of what might have been happening at the time. It is like having a little spyglass into a time that was shared only between her and her Lord. There are colors and highlights on well-loved passages. My mother believed in memorizing scripture until it went beyond imprinting on her mind, but was literally embossed on her heart. Some of those passages she shared with me during the hardest times of my life's journey. I stroke the tiny crocheted flower bookmarks gifted by a friend. Notes with reminders about prayer requests, news to share with my dad when they were both at home again, and grocery lists are tucked between pages. A Bible doesn't see...

If you have ever watched the television show, MacGyver, you have a good understanding of the saying "necessity is the mother of invention."  Mac saves the day by using ordinary objects in new ways.  His ability to think beyond the fixed definition of items within his grasp, inspire young scientists and inventors, but mostly he motivates his team of crime fighters. Even in the most dire of circumstances, if Mac has just a moment or two to idealize, he will craft an escape and they will be safe for another day. I remember learning about a term used in psychology called functional fixedness.  It is a cognitive process that prevents one from being able to see anything but a singular, fixed use. Not only is creativity stifled, but it can effect our desire to persevere.  We simply give up because we can't see another way out or we become so fixed that we are immovable. I think there is a risk that life patterns we establish can create a sort of functional fixedness. In...

I heard a sermon recently and the pastor bravely confessed that sometimes when he needs to think about a request or if he intends to delay a decision, he will say "I will pray about it" without necessarily intending to do so.  He said something else that really made me think. When we use "Christian language" that is without meaning or intent, we risk trying to be more spiritual than God. Is it possible that we can think of ourselves more highly than God or more spiritual than the one who is himself the Spirit? I believe so, and it happens when we take our eyes off of the end goal, our tenacity and steadfastness wanes. If we look at some of the heroes of the faith, like Moses, we can see how important it is to always keep our perspective of God in proper order.  Hebrews 11:27 says, "By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible."  Moses was able to keep going, despite all that went awry becau...

My husband is a storyteller.  Not the "Big Fish" type of tales, but life-changing important stories. I must have heard him tell about how we met to a hundred different people.  Every time he tells it, there is laughter, oohs and aahs and comments about how sweet it is that he still talks about it like it just happened yesterday. But the story he loves the best, is about the big miracle. My husband had to face one of the most challenging trials --almost certain death.  The diagnosis was aggressive tongue and throat cancer, doubling in size almost weekly. The doctor said to put his affairs in order, the chances were slim. Knowing that the doctor was not in charge of his destiny,  my husband professed that he was going to get a second opinion from the one who created him and was in charge of his life --Dr. God.  He went through multiple surgeries and intensive radiation treatments. The healing was slow and hard. There were set backs, more surgeries and a bit furt...

Three years ago, I made the choice to move mountains, valleys, rivers, and oceans away from my adult children to begin a new journey—a path that God carved for me. It was hard and it hurt, a lot.  But in a unique way, it has given me the opportunity to see my children in a new light. I can see the lives that they have built and their footprints in the sand of the paths that God has clearly carved for their lives.  I struggle with feeling disconnected, not a part of the journey they are taking.  I watch carefully and evaluate every move with detective-like precision to see if there are scars left behind from the mistakes I may have made along the way. If they feel it; they hide it well. And now that they are raising children of their own they seem to be doing so much better than I ever could have. I am proud of them—all of them. I’ve been told you never know how well you did as a parent until you see your children parent your grandchildren. I think it is not a matter...

Today is my father's birthday. It is safe to say that at seventy-seven years of age, he had a wealth of life experiences; some good, some tragic. My father has always had this incredible servant's heart.  He not only served as a pastor for now more than sixty years, he was charged with helping to restore congregations that had been torn apart by disagreements or pastoral transitions. He was a literal peacemaker. He has always had a gift of teaching, preaching and simply loving people. I remember as a child standing in awe at the grocery store while people seemingly flocked to my father to engage in lighthearted conversation. People were drawn to him, he never even had to say hello or initiate a conversation. I watched my father fight for his life, after contracting tetanus (the first case identified in over thirty years at the time), work two jobs to help support our family, perform weddings, baptisms, baby dedications and bury my mother and start a new life with a new wife...

Photo Credit:  http://d3a577syzx0or3.cloudfront.net/images/printceo/2010/03/Michelangel.jpg I love words. I love to think about words. We can study the root meaning of words, the origin of the word or perhaps the variations of spelling and sometimes that is the most powerful understanding.  Other times, it is a revelation of the nuance behind the word or the way the word is used that is powerful. That is especially true about the Bible. Words in the Bible come alive, evoke emotion, encourage deep reflection and permeate our very souls.  "For the word of God is alive and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart"  Hebrews 4:12.  The focus of our study is perseverance.  The Collins English Dictionary defines perseverance as (1) continued steady belief or efforts, withstanding discouragement or difficulty; persistence (...

I have learned a lot about life and about God through the eyes of my children.  My daughter's example is one that I love to share. We first met when she was three years old.  She was placed in my home through the foster care system and she needed someone who was willing to adopt an older child.  A little girl whose earliest years were framed and fashioned by someone else.  She had emotional and physical scars that were a testament to earlier trauma.  Yet, she somehow my little Pearl always had a natural tenacity.  She simply was not going to allow anything or anyone to define her and she refused to be characterized by her circumstances.  I had many other children in my home through the years and moving from victim to freedom was hard or sometimes impossible for some of the children. Yet my Pearl seemed almost unscathed.  She moved so deeply into my heart and into my reality.  I can hardly remember life without her.  When I look through...