Diagnosis or Definition



I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has graciously embraced this journey as a new assignment not from God but for God's glory. Watching her walk through diagnosis, surgery, recovery, chemo, and near the finish line to a cancer-free declaration has been amazing and inspiring.  

I am facing a new assignment of my own. One that appears to be a new health challenge and one that may be without end or cure. I know that something is wrong, but there is more testing and more verifying before it is named. I confess I am having trouble in the wait. The lines are blurred, my assignment sheet appears ink streaked. I find myself shaken at times, not knowing how to simply be still. 

I have always been the caregiver for someone else ⸺children (belly-born, foster, and forever family), ill parent, and now my husband who has suffered from a constant barrage of systematic health challenges that often necessitate full-time care. My vocation is one of support, service, and partnership. In these roles, I don't have to think about who I am.

I remember many years ago, my husband and I served at a church that at the time had over 20,000 members. My husband was the director of the largest number of volunteers at the church, while my service roles included writing curriculum for small groups, preparing communion, and peer-counseling (all behind the scenes). My husband was always in the middle of the action and he was well known. I became known as Bill's wife. I was defined by my connection to my husband. 

Now in this new assignment, as I sit in my doctor's office, instead of my name, I hear the nurse call out, "Doctor, your 9am (insert diagnosis here) is ready."  Is that who I am now, a diagnosis?  A medical mystery worthy of time and research but without identity? 

I am thankful that God's Word infuses my heart with His identity. I particularly love 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV), "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 

I cling to every word and pray to see this new assignment through God's perspective. I can declare that I am "God's special possession" and I can give God praise because I belong to him. Although I cannot expect to hear "Child of God!" called out the next time I wait to see my doctor, I know that a diagnosis or label does not define me. When I focus on God's word I am secure in who I am and to whom I belong. I leave the confusion behind and focus on the face of my Father and with hands raised, accept this new assignment as one who is chosen, held, set apart, and covered in light. 

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